1) Welcome back! To celebrate the release of the G.I.Joe movie, I’m throwing a ton of GIJoe-esque material at you! Kicking it off perfectly is the above video. I have absolutely no problem saying that the Ballad of G.I. Joe is my favourite video on the entirety of the internet. This video makes my heart swell with joy. I was going to post my celebratory GIJoe post on Friday, but I’m glad I did not.

What’s there to say? A catchy tune, incredible costumes and look at the cast list! A small sampling includes Chuck Liddell as Gung Ho, Vinnie Jones as Destro, Zach Galifiankais as Snow Job & Billy Crudup as Zartan!

Anyways I want the mp3 and I think I can die a happy man after watching it. I’m not sure what’s better, seeing Snake Eyes paint landscapes or watching Cobra Commander dancing to Three Dog Night. Greatest. Video. Ever!

2) Now that you’re all revved up, perhaps you would like to learn how to be a gallant gentleman/terrorist bent on global domination? If so, you should check out Cobra Commander’s dating tips.

3)

I call dibs on being the Ninja! More GIJoe recruitment posters can be found at College Humor.

4) Don’t forget to also check out these incredible G.I. Joe/Cobra Nikes! I obviously plan to order 8 pair… of each style. I’m not going to lie, I would spend paycheque after paycheque on these guys. I would even steal your paycheque and spend your paycheque on these shoes. Surprisingly, there was never a G.I. Joe character named “Pay Cheque.” Probably would have been a much more appropriate name for an accountant than “Raptor.”

5) Even McSweeney’s is jumping on the G.I. Joe bandwagon!! Their “Journal of a New Cobra Recruit” is sheer brilliance. Honestly though, if Cobra had McSweeney’s writers on their payroll they may have had a little more success in their day. (See Exhibit A, ” Raptor.” May I add that Raptor didn’t wear a shirt and flew around without any weapons? Actually I’m not sure he flew; he may have just dressed up like a shirtless falcon and pushed paper around a desk).

Anyways internets, I’m glad to be back!