Edit: Apparently his name is Melvin

So I was sitting here last night eating my Mexican cereal and I was reminded of some other famous bipedal elephant heroes, such as Snout Spout, Elaroo, Max Rebo, Hooter and Joseph Merrick. Now most of these names I’m sure many of you have heard of, however I would bet not many of you have heard of…… The Power Pachyderms!!!!

Power Pachyderms was a magical Marvel one-off comic that combined all that was great about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the X-Men and Dumbo. Much like the TMNT it was hazardous material combining with innocent animals that formed these fierce fighting four. If I recall a circus train went off route and was in the blast radius of a gamma bomb (like the Hulk). The elephants on board then gave birth to four mutant bipedal elephants who were shunned from the elephant community (like Dumbo!) Oh yeah, these mutant elephants also had super powers. Are you with me so far?

Our four heroes then go their separate ways to find themselves and then eventually meet meet up as adults again. Mammoth could turn into organic steel much like Colossus, Rumbo was a short stocky elephant with retractable adamantium tusks, Trunklops could shoot lasers out of his trunk and Electralux, while named after a vacuum, was actually a Jean Grey/Elektra amalgam.

Electralux and Rumbo are the first to meet as adults, and the “enlightened” Perfect Masters inform them that Mammoth and Trunklops are still alive. Obviously they all meet again, but really I’m not sure where to go from here with my synopsis; I have read it hundreds of times, and I understand it less each time.

- They turn a boat into their headquarters in the middle of New York
- Their first villain, Clarinetto appears (Magneto, if Magneto lead a marching band)
- Electralux falls into radioactive goop and turns into Rogue Elephant (a Dark Phoenix parody)
- ……. and I believe the conclusion is that they discover being a super hero is a dangerous profession and quit

Oh yeah, did I mention Clarinetto leads a squad of super villains called the “New Musicians?” Oh, well he did. Naturally this villain team is composed of a young Whitney Houston, Bruce Springsteen, Cyndi Lauper, Willie Nelson and Madonna.

There isn’t much more to say except to cap things off the “Perfect Masters” end up being the Three Stooges.

Honestly, I forget why I even started writing this post. Half way through this post I felt like I was ruining a really good childhood memory and I think I need a drink now. As a kid, this was a hysterical and a very clever parody of everything that I loved about X-Men and Turtles; however, even as a kid I knew it had flaws. As an adult reliving this comic, it’s probably terrible. Next time I’m at home I’ll find this comic and read it in all of it’s glory. In the mean time I will leave you with this:

Thanks Rumbo....